Magic Moments

 

Last week I ran across a movie I really love on TV - Instinct with Anthony Hopkins and Cuba Gooding Jr.  It came out in the late '90's. I had not seen it in many years. 

 

One of the major themes in the movie is control or our lack there of in life.  When I first saw the movie, this resonated deeply with me.  It still does.  It moved me so much I wrote about it in my newsletter in December of 1999. 

 

Here is what I wrote:

Hopkins plays an imprisoned doctor and Gooding is the psychiatrist who tries to save him.

 

During a harrowing moment, Hopkins attacks Gooding's character and throws him into a choke hold to make a point. Hopkins is shouting at him. He angrily demands "tell me what you have lost?" "Tell me what have I taken from you?"

 

Gooding desperately replies "you've taken my control".

 

Hopkins screams "no - try again! That's the wrong answer!"

 

You can see the answer dawn on Gooding's face as he weakly replies "you've taken away my ILLUSION that I am in control."

 

The cinematic moment gripped me in a very real way. The "correct" answer was in my head before the character had it. My eyes were wet with tears because the truth was obvious even in my life. For me, deadlines and commitments are the choke hold.

 

I don't like admitting that I am not in control. You probably don't either.

 

I'm learning that the more I surrender my illusion of control, the more peaceful I become. The choke hold of everyday life eases. I have choices about how I respond. I have many tools to help me decide what I'm going to do next. The more flexibility I allow myself - the more freedom I experience. I may not be in control - but I am free. So are you.

 

Today, remember flexibility is the key to freedom. If you want to create your dreams, you'll have to change your mind along the way!

In retrospect, the timing of those words was amazing.  I was a month away from entering into one of the most difficult years of my life.  I spent most of 2000 watching one of my closest friends die.   That year taught me that any sense of control I thought I had was indeed an illusion. 

 

During my recent viewing, I was taken by a different facet - the impact of and need for acceptance.  Many of you took time to share with me "magic words" when I asked for them a few weeks ago.   One theme that developed in your responses was really more of a "magic moment" than words.  In times of need, having someone listen to and hear you wihout judgment made a significant difference for you. 

 

The movie illustrates how critical having someone "be with us" is to our emotional development and healing.  We don't need to be told what to do.  We need to know that we matter and are loved in spite of our faults.  In those magic moments we usually can figure out what to do for ourselves. 

 

Never underestimate the power of “being with” someone.  Next time a friend or loved one takes time to share their pain or fear with you listen without the need to fix; hear without the need to get them to turn down the volume; just be present and you may become part of the magic.